I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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