your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
