I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
