Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
