just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
