Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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