i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
