well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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