The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
