I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
