My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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