I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
