You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
