You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
