you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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