There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
