I can tuck mytits in my pants
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
