Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
