Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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