dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
