Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago