I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I could fuck to npr.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit