at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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