Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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