I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Two words: blizzard sex
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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