Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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