my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize