I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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