How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
