i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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