I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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