My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we're making bets on your personal life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
this is an emotional support booty call
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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