I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
