Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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