put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
