Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
