Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Panties = found
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
