Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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