i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
