I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize