I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
