just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
