I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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