guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish my penis had a tongue
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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