I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
