What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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