I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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