I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
