so that wasnt chicken after all
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
