it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
