Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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