i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
