That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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