whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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