This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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