A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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