So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
