Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
