i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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