I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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