We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
