i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
