My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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