Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
