we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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