yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
